Why do not you have a boyfriend?
Waiting to Exhale
Why do not I have a boyfriend? What age is the right to love? Are you ready to love? These are the questions we ask ourselves when we are alone. Sometimes they result from the fact of our inner need of giving love another man, and sometimes we feel strange because all our friends already have someone and we do not. As has been thus? When „should” be with someone? And what do you do when you love a very long time does not come?
Loneliness is one of the most difficult topics in this book and in general in life. In fact, we do not know why it happens that some of the teens hit the right person (a rare case but they know this) and others thirties, even after, and still do not have anyone. The fundamental question we need to ask ourselves is: do we want to have a boyfriend or girlfriend? We’re talking seriously, it’s extremely important question, because everything in life to make sense for example. We learn to get into college, and then get a job. Therefore, such an important thing as love must also „the thing” to be.
The appropriate age for the love of a lifetime. Of course, in the dimension of spousal love, the upper limit is not a bottom is very individual. It depends on the maturity, internal needs, the nature, cultural factors and a host of other factors. Generally man ready to love a mature man. And they do not even mature enough in the sense formed, but constantly growing, constantly maturing, wanting to change. Some mature love, the need to be in a relationship at the age of ten years, some thirty and some even later. Some no such need lifelong not feel. The fact that teens do not have or do not even want to even have a boyfriend or girlfriend is a normal, healthy and symptom of the fact that perhaps all of our friends are already in a relationship with someone does not mean anything. It is the media that orient our present mentality, it seems to us that this is something strange. Thus did not. Several years ago, „having” the boy even in high school was not widespread. In contrast, today more and more often it happens that the middle school is already a few relationships. Love is something so beautiful and responsible but it is not worth it make change for small, worth waiting for true love. Teenage years and is a fantastic time to develop friendship, to learn many things, the development interests. For the love you have to be ready. If it is not, he is not able to take it properly then it is a disappointment, frustration, and that’s why maybe your friends have already had a few guys. Because I could not neither they nor the boys persevere in relationships. But the point is not to have as many boys to as many people to please. The point is not to satisfy their emotional needs or show off to their peers. In love, the idea is to give the good to another person.
So how do we prepare for love? The measure of the maturity of a person to love are:
- Acceptance and self-love
- My attitude to others
- My relationship to God.
You can not love someone if you do not love ourselves. You first need to like yourself, believe that you are a valuable person, that can cope with the problems and that the environment was not lying in wait for our tripping. Because it’s as others see us also depends on ourselves. We know from the environment, a lot of people, quite ordinary, that his way of being, speaking, behavior seem smarter, more confident, so-called. soul of the company. They are also highly intelligent people, a taciturn and no one comes to mind to choose their leader for anything. So our behavior affects the perception of others. I’m ugly? What! I can be nice and friendly. I can not shine in the company? But I can listen to people and they come to me for advice. Think in this way, look for a good and strengths. Small successes will you enjoy and uplift. Also raise your self-esteem. Naturally, this has to be narcissism and admiration for each other just self-acceptance. The realization that I was not on the earth by accident that God deliberately created me and that I have something to do. Furthermore, since this made me (in the sense of beauty and ability) is the way I am I have to grow and do not dream about daydreaming, not regret for half my life, I do not have blond hair just a little too large buttocks, or do not sing like an angel only falsify . You have to see his good side, eg., That can cook, I have patience with children, I am strong. And I do not have two doctorates, and I do not know five languages? Apparently I not received a talent for doing just for something else. And that’s what I should develop my duty to multiply. For it you can not say anything I can not. No. Always SOMETHING you can. Even as you are paralyzed it can pray. There are no people without talent. You only need to discover it. Give yourself time and chance. Act to inch and a search for something what you like and develop it and before you know it you’ll be a beautiful butterfly. As long as you do not accept, you love yourself you will not be able to love someone. Because love is the desire for the good of others. And we have to love someone „as yourself.” And if you hate yourself that your measure is hatred rather than love.
Ask yourself what you hate in yourself. Just do not tell „everything”. Specifically, replace. What? Appearance? If so, you most? Hair figures? If the style of being, what? Inability to speak, inability to make contact? Take a piece of paper and write on the other hand you hate. Take a whole list. It is Satan’s plan to you. Destroy you through a list of what you hate in yourself. You lovingly program Report – without knowing it – his plan your self-destruction. Now, take this card. It will also be your plan. Plan of self-preservation. That’s what you have to tame a hated. We do not say that love, because it can you go wrong. Besides hard to love crooked teeth or stuttering. But tame. Understand that this is you, this is a piece of you. Think about it: if the beloved person you had such a problem (with one listed on this sheet), then you would be angry at her, she reproached her and embraced, hugged, kissed, he said, and so you love. Well, tell me: would you react? Certainly obruszysz is: no clear it with love! Not true. If you hate each other are the same (or other) features will you get upset with others. You’ll be angry that someone has something he can not, that is not as you want. You do not accept it. And as you do not accept that you love. Therefore, start with yourself. Try to accept yourself. Not at all confident you will succeed, but not the point. The point is, you have learned to accept rather than reject. And that love is. In accepting what someone is gazing from understanding. Now you understand why self-love is so important? Because understanding to each other is a prerequisite to understanding someone. If he survived something, if you go with something uporałeś to better understand someone. You will know him as hard as the old and be able to help him. And like myself you reject it a second or not accept. And you will not be able to love.
Another issue that needs to be considered: relationship to the environment – parents, friends, colleagues, my friends. What am I like? If I respect his mother and wife will respect it. If you do not „napyskuję” crudely grandmother is in love and I’ll be subtle. Am I selfish (in terms of current understanding, not a sick attitude that nothing for myself, I am nothing and give up use)? Can I share and help selflessly? Can I discuss without proving wrong at any price? Can I keep calm and do not be angry for any reason? Am I honest? And so that you can for a long time, the question is whether I am mature in relationships with others. How do I receive the environment, I am at home? Can I normally coexist or „all the people I upset?” Because, as always annoyed me, all I’m not mature. Of course we are not talking about isolated cases of nervousness, but about people who claim that „everything annoy them.”
Well, my relationship with God. I only believe in God or believe God? I believe that what he has planned is for my own good and I him as an enemy, which I saw under his feet to throw Our previous experience and, in particular, our image of the father affects our image of God. Not without reason is said to God – Father, do not you? It is often so hard to believe we in the goodness and mercy of God if I have not experienced it from his father. If our earthly father is stern and unapproachable God is simply afraid and it seems to us that he will judge us harshly and certainly we do not forgive. If the father is not respected at home to the temptation of perceiving God as someone who does not need a special care and shall tilt the scales in the other direction – it seems that we can sin and God will forgive us anyway. If the father is absent at home (at least in spirit) God is far away and we have the impression that all of us, our lives do not care. How to change it? Realize that: first – Your father is also a man, it probably was wounded in life and maybe not with these injuries to cope, hence such behavior. That does not excuse him of course, but it helps to understand why this happens. So if the father or the man (and only one), and God is a God that does not mean that God is like your father. And that being a father does not mean always being such as your father. True fatherhood is more similar to the relationship between God and man, but the man is not able to go to such heights, to implement such relationships. Of course, should be to strive for it and try, some are successful more, others less, but nevertheless true fatherhood is the love that God has for us and not the negative examples from the environment. Secondly, you are already or nearly adult. So you can not always justify the fact that you have been wounded, that your father is a God and that’s why you see. If you’re an adult, ie. Mature then you should take a look at God’s eyes of an adult and not the child victim. Very often people stop in the spiritual development at the stage of the child. Then he hears that someone comes to church not because God still „have it somewhere,” and anyway that priests are such and owacy. It’s terribly schematic, immature, so almost no say – simplistic thinking. It’s true, and priests are sinful, and God does not always give you what you want, but if like us number one teacher put it throw school and neglect education because the teacher did not understand us? Whence! Thus the love of God is to consent to live according to His will and not just our preference. That does not mean that we should not have dreams, desires. Slow. Slowly, even the need to pray for their implementation. But then you have to add „… if you are consistent with your Will, O Lord …”. Because if you are not consistent, if He wants us something else we have to give him a free hand in guiding us in the bestowal us what he considers to be good for us. In the bestowal of us love. So reciprocating God’s love is „only” permission to God bestowed us with his love. Nothing more. And if so, we reasoned that God wants our good, that He really is like a loving father, he will forgive us forever and that His mercy is greater than our sins and limitations that mean that our relationship with him is correct.
And what about unbelievers? Is it possible to love God without loving man?
It seems to us that atheists also love in relation to some absolute, some values. For them, the reference point is good, beauty, perfect love. Each person in fact bears the longing for higher values, even if the value is not set for him by God. In general, good feelings and desires are born in a man of some deeper spiritual needs of inner longing. In fact, behind this God.
Atheists do not believe in God, but so might wish good for the other person to reckon with her feelings. God because they translate to their values. If that was not a lie would be their words of love, and the Church does not allow entry of mixed marriages as if not believing that their marriage vow will be true. Also, then there would be no possible salvation if the atheists would not be in them love. We know, however, that it is not. It is possible, and their salvation, and their lives in the dimension of honesty, kindness, etc. Can sometimes be a model for us believers. In our view, so it is possible to love a person without the love of God as a person but in relation to God – the value of the absolute – any to give him a name – which is the source of this love.
But back to wait for love. If time flies, and on the horizon very long time no one can see it’s actually a person begins to worry.
BARRY: I also began to worry about his loneliness when I finished 25 years. It seemed to me that in me there is a problem, since everyone around with someone they are. And I do not. And I was sociable and cheerful, well, just „normal”. A time passed and nothing. In the end, I met this one but it was not at a time when so much that I wanted and during that time when I was alone I was a little grief to God that this is so. I do not know why God so much a „delayed,” sometimes I had the feeling of lost time. I just do not know. God has plans for everyone, even if we seem to be meaningless.
Once we find out why this is happening now, we can only speculate.
Perhaps God wants to save you from binding to the wrong man, maybe this is your only only is not yet ready for a relationship with someone? In any case, surely this is your waiting makes sense, even if you it could not yet understand. Therefore, do not expect love with a watch in hand, do not look out on every corner, because as you will not come to you more and more frustrated. God knows the right time for us and I think it is a bit perverse because somehow it just so happens that gives us love when you actually stop to this so intensely think, we stop only at her tune. Focus, therefore, on what you have to do in life in general, as if to love is not waiting, learn, develop hobbies, can engage in a community? The point is not that you desire to love himself expelled, because it’s impossible. We’re not able to forget about something what we care most about! We can not prohibit think and feel. Do not suddenly stop us „move” view lovers. The idea is to make good use of the time when I do not have anyone. Come for some courses may postgraduate courses, aerobics, learn a foreign language. Watcha with friends in interesting places.
And do not wait passively! Do not refuse to participate in social activities, the laity, not only of the Community. Sometimes even go to a disco, and even let your friends arranged a meeting with someone. Here there is nothing to be ashamed of, really. Loneliness is not a fault, it is shame. There is no shame in actively seeking a spouse. There is no shame in seeking it on the Internet or in the office of matrimony. But as we prepare for major life events eg. To educate and carefully choose the bank, which will give us a loan is how much more you need to prepare for life in two. Go on a pilgrimage or select a constant, daily prayer for this intention. This may be eg. A novena or decade of the rosary – only pray regularly. Keep in contact with people in the same situation as you. Love comes quietly, at first you would not even know it was her.
But if you really come? How do you know? And if the waiting is in vain? Will surely come, but not for everyone under the same form. We understand that you’re talking about the answer to the question: if I ever had a boyfriend / girlfriend or husband / wife? We do not know for sure. It knows only God. One thing is certain: God gives us love. He knows what will save us and closer to Him and so gives us life circumstances, we can choose the good. Sometimes uses people – including a marriage because – because God decides that it will help us to salvation. Sometimes calls us to religious life – because it is considered that this road will be best for us. Sometimes, however, it does neither this nor that. Then maybe he wants us to be realized in the love of serving others without being in a marriage or in the law. This is such a huge secret that we do not undertake to explain why that is and what it depends on. We only know that preparing themselves for love is never in vain. This is no time wasted. And that’s why you should pray for love. If you feel that realizowałbyś in marriage to ask God to put your way through the right man. And do not be discouraged if it does not happen right away.